Celebrity Big Brother

The fifth instalment of Celebrity Big Brother is upon us and I am going to cut straight to the chase - Darkness lead singer Justin Hawkins is going to win it. Get on at 7/1 with bet365 (just 4s with Coral) is my advice - and quickly, for this generous price will disappear at a rate of knots akin to a puddle in the Sahara Desert! I probably said this last time around, but I have to say that the barrel has been scraped beyond belief this time. The first couple of years, when Jack Dee and Mark Owen emerged victorious respectively, attracted a reasonably well-known bunch. But you couldn't even describe this lot as c-listers - it's woeful! I've never heard of Lauren Harries, while Jason and Liz Cundy?? The latter duo will be the first ever married couple to go into the house together from the outset. Apparently, Jason was a professional footballer with Tottenham. With all due respect, I doubt even some of the most die-hard, anorak-like Spurs fans would remember him. I can hear them now? "who are ya? who are ya? who are ya?" Lauren Harries was, I'm reliably informed, a chap until having a sex change operation in 2001. She, as she now is, if you get my drift, was said to have been an antiques expert when going by the name of James Harries. And what an intriguing entry Robert Kilroy-Silk is. I wonder if he will sneak any perma-tan into the house. Indeed, an orange glow, a la you've been tangoed, accompanied him everywhere he went during his campaign with Veritas, the political party he formed in 2001 before later resigning as leader. This condescending ex-TV presenter will ruffle feathers in the house with his annoying persona - I reckon he'll be out on his ear before long. Former S Club 7 band member Jo O'Meara is actually quite a nice lass from what I've seen of her during interviews and the such like. I certainly can see her taking a hand in the latter stages of proceedings as she's down to earth and will have her fair share of supporters, but I firmly believe in a guy called Justin! If there's one thing to take from results of previous Big Brother's, both celebrity and non, it's that the Great British public do love someone with quirks - someone a bit off the wall. No housemate fits the bill better than Justin Hawkins, who alone will make the show entertaining I'm sure. Taking last year's winner Chantelle out of the equation - the previous winners were Jack Dee, Mark Owen and Bez - all enigmatic characters in their own right. Then the utterly bizarre Pete reigned in the non-celebrity version of Big Brother last year. The same people that voted for these guys - and the male species do have a good record in Big Brother - will all be watching the show again. None will appeal to them more than Justin. Jade Goody, who made an unlikely name for herself when winning the non-celeb version in 2002 - yes, it was that long ago - is generally favourite to win. However, I think I speak for many when I say I'm fed up with hearing about Jade. Who cares? again I can hear the fans? "who are ya? who are ya? who are ya?" As ever, there is a bit of hot totty in the house, this time courtesy of Danielle Lloyd, who won the 2004 Miss Great Britain but was later stripped of the title after it emerged that she was dating one of the judges, Teddy Sherringham, and also Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty, who has allegedly negotiated a tidy payment of £300k for her trouble. A pouting war might ensure! Bring it on? The others, which include former Jackson Five member Jermaine Jackson, Julie Goodyear and Paul Michael Glaser will be worth monitoring in the early exchanges. Personally I'd be surprised, however, if either of that trio turn out to be serious contenders. Oh and former Steps member Ian Watkins has come out? he's announced that he's gay? err, tell us something we didn't know Ian! Verdict - 3pts Justin Hawkins @ 7/1 (bet365)