World Cup Jokes

Newsletter susbscribers got these jokes ages ago. Subscribe now! Michael Owen walks into a night club in Germany and sees a stunning leggy blonde beauty on the dance floor.He approaches her and says, "Get your coat, your coming back to my hotel with me tonight."She looks at him and replies, "Goodness, You're a little forward!"- - - - -The Scotland manager phones Sven to find out how to improve his training methods."Dustbins" says Sven, "Position dustbins around the training pitch and get your players to pass the ball between them, dribble round them, chip the ball over them, it'll improve all round ball control".The next day Sven's phone rings, it's the Scottish manager, "Hi, The dustbin's are winning 3-1. What do I do now?"- - - - -Beckham gets home late from training to find Posh with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. "Where the hell have you been?" she yells at him."I did exactly what we were discussing this morning" he says, "And been to get a new tattoo."He takes off his top and reveals an ornate new design on his upper arm. "There you are babe" he says, "What do you think of that?"Posh puts her head in her hands. "You prat!" she sighs, "I told you to ask for a transfer."- - - - -David Beckham is celebrating, "43 days! 43 days!" he shouts happily.Posh asks him why he's celebrating. He answers "Well Honey, I've done this jigsaw in only 43 days.""And that's good?" asks Posh."You bet Hon" says David, "It says 3 to 6 years on the box."- - - - -Some flies were playing football in a saucer using a sugar lump as a ball. One of them says, "We'll have to do better than this, lads. We're playing in the cup tomorrow."- - - - -Ronaldinho, Beckham and the pope are at a lake to find out who can walk on water.Ronaldinho runs first, goes up comes back. Then Beckham, goes up comes back. Now the pope, he gets half way turns and falls.Beckham looks at Ronaldinho and say's, "That's harsh didn't you tell him about the stepping stones" and Ronaldinho replies, "What stepping stones?"- - - - -Problems in the England camp.Wayne Rooney has been told he can take part in the later stages of the world cup, but only if he has a cortizone injection, apparently David Beckham overheard this and is demanding that if Rooney is getting a new car out of it he wants one as well.- - - - -David Beckham goes shopping and spots a Thermos flask. "What's that for ?" he says."It's to keep hot things hot and cold things cold," says the salesman.Beckham buys one and takes it home to show Posh. "It's to keep hot things hot and cold things cold," he says."You ought to take it to work," she tells him. So he takes it in to training the following day."What've you got there, son?" asks Luis Gómez-Montejano."It's to keep hot things hot and cold things cold" says David."That's a good idea,' says Gómez-Montejano. "What have you got in it?""Coffee," says David, "And some ice cream."